trust, the dj, the future, the unknown

yeah, general title for a general post

Since last year i been trying to move away from my old shit self, like i embrace it in a way, i won't forget who  i am, who i was, where i come from, i can't

the past and my past is what made what i am today, and while there is still work to be done, i'm pretty happy where i am right now, physically and mentally

i cry because life is fine and there is no * on that, everything is fine, life is moving along fine, work, my own personal stuff and what i really want to see in the future, my boyfriend is growing as a person and professionally, and even when i wrote on my diary many moons ago how i "Tengo miedo de que esta carrera lo cambie. De que el mundo lo vea y se lo lleve."

I still believe so much on him and what he does and what he believes, i see myself a bit there, fighting, trying to make it, fail, then success, then experiment, then the learning then the actual growth,

im just proud.

I been experimenting on stuff as myself, i been enjoying the creative gateway that music provides to me now, it's fun, it's nice and even if privileged as in not needing it like some of the people i know

it's also growth for me.

I'm still haunted by the "what ifs" around my head

still haunted for the scary unknown that is the future

still scared for the "if i mess up" things

but that doesn't stop me now

 ---

we recently got scammed selling a thing and the big disappointment was the people, the lie, the trust one put on people, i don't want to be the cynical distrusting guy i was before

but i have to learn from this situation

and change my methodologies for selling shit, lesson learned

and it did hurt, not only me, not only the pocket $  but it also made him feel bad because, of course, i felt bad, the whole thing flunked and we lost

but we lost together, and we supported us together

i believe that the thing we got scammed with had bad juju from the start, but that's another story for another day.

anyways

thanks to my boyfriend and to the people around us for helping me get out of my shell and out of my confort zone

like i mean, playing music in front of tons of people i don't know

like wtf, and i did it, and did it pretty good

play songs i like, play songs the way djs i admire do it, or even better (waiting for the b2b with fat boy slim lol)

now there is another party and we will be playing in a b5b, five people playing, like wtf

and im not scared

look, shit scary ,shit is disappointing some times, people suck, but also shit is great or can be, people is mostly awesome even if you have to cherry pick, and lessons have to be learned

again

this is a post about nothing and everything because that's how it works right now

im a tiger, reporting from my home

kiwa.