Where is my  home

you know that saying "home is where the heart is"? i think it's also a song by Presley, anyways, when shit changes in your life, when you move on from the past... but your place kinda stays the same?

idk, i'm kinda experimenting big disconnection from my surroundings relating to my apartment, i think i said it before somewhere, idk again.

My house doesn't feel like home anymore, it feels like a place where i can stay, i can sleep, i can do my things, but even that is kinda limited in feelings now, like i don't really want to work on all my projects because it feels like a place that i don't want to be in and i don't want to invest time or energy in.

Checking my notes i early on noted that this was a thing, i been actually trying to just constantly escape my situation in this place by not being there, i joked about it, but living in my car feels better than living in my place right now.

Sharing space with my ex doesn't help things though, i feel like he is too invasive in my space, in my partner and family, and he doesn't has a right on that now.

Yeah, i feel invaded, i feel haunted by the "ghosts of the past" by the reminder of whatever i had before, and i'm trying to be sensitive here, but i think i have the right of feeling this and like this.

Anyways, i feel like it's a thing of waiting, i need to wait until my ex leaves and to make this place feel redundant to me... it's still and it will be the place where i have my stuff and i stay but at the same time, it will feel empty, because already is for me...

“Home is where you can always go back and be yourself.” some say... i hope that comes soon for me.

Anyways... i can't change the feeling of everything i feel about my place, my room, my desk, my kitchen... but i can do something to feel a bit better i guess, at least having reminders of why this is just temporary and what is the future made of...

It's not perfect by any means... but this is my "do it for her" wall... shit sucks but let's do it because there is stuff and people more important than my living situation.

i know i'm kinda a coward maybe by running away and trying to stay away... but fuck it, i deserve better.

can't wait to have a home though...