plans

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Life has a way for how stuff is supposed to go, like think plans

since i got my life relatively on track i been planning more, thinking more about the future in a more clearer way, so that means taking notes, checking info online, if it's related to money stuff, well, then it's about checking prices and thinking about worst case scenarios, like what i call plan b to z

i don't really plan that far down the issues, like yeah sure, what if the original main plan fails? well let's try something else.

and that's what happened to me recently, i trusted a plan to run fine, no hiccups, but well, that failed, i had to send the "i failed so let's stop this change for a while" email today, that made me feel pretty sucky tbh, i know the spiel already, "failures happen, let's keep going" but yeah, still sucks.

Now plan B, or maybe plan C?

still... makes me wonder if the plan was meant to be in the first place, or if that's just the expected insecurity to run it's course, i know i'm not a big fat loser, i'm pretty sure of that, but what if the plan i'm trying to run is too much, not meant to be yet, or maybe i need the failure of it to learn and move on to another plan?

idk

nothing but hope that this runs it's course, because it's something i really really wish, it's something im really sending all my energy, and my small but powerful mental focus on it.

i'm already packing my stuff in boxes, i'm already saving, i'm already focusing way too much on it, so i want it to happen

and if was not meant to be so be it, but i hope it's a good lesson at the worst case... 

this is about moving, and life changing stuff btw, let's make it way more cryptic kiwa lol.

that's all for now