Pawstral furcon or a retrospective of facing fears and deep scars

Im wiriting this one on my phone because my laptop is on the car back in the hotel.

So im back from staying in Santiago for some days for the pawstral furcon

The feelings were overwhelmed and the pains of last year were enfrented

I felt like i won this one

Ill be publicly sincere, last year the surrounding days from this convention where awful for me, emotionally draining, my heart was kinda damaged and kinda fixed on that era, all i believed and was building was shattered around, my relationship was in a weird spot related to poly relationships, openness, i felt like i was in a race against someone else, and i faced weird shit that right now i would just say no, turn around and not let me stoop down.

I did things that i felt like i would reject immediately now, even with my horny tiger brain running high.

I have a lot of self respect for myself now.

I built my life after that event, my relationship moved on to my best era on a long long time, im doing things i would have never done.

This year it was an interesting experience, my boyfriend works at this con so in thst sense and sincerely kinda sucks in a way because i see the other couples just hanging around with no big worries and i kinda wanted that, but that made me stay with friends and situations that are new and good and interesting.

The DJ collective is one of the best things that have surrounded me recently, warm real human people that is important to me

My circle of friends and close people has shifted and i feel like that is interesting in a way.

Because people take it way too personal, like they look and dont even say hi, like for basic human respect

So i sometimes did the same tbh and it felt meh

Yeah, the ending of my previous relationship broke some of my friendships, i kinda expected that back then but also i do not

Weird stuff

Anyways i worked on the rave side of this con, doing the visuals, general support and i actually

Played warm up, it was awesome

It also made me reconsider my whole DJ identity and what i want to actually do as my project

I feel kinda lost in that sense but its artistic and in the funny cool explorative way

Anyways

This year was fscing fear and changes and i did and i won kinda

Still cried

Still missed my boyfriend a lot

I am like fucking tired still even if i rested a lot on Sunday

Life is good because its weird and unpredictable

Love it that way

Even when its hard

What will happen next?

Find out on the next episode of

Kiwa