There's a science in my love for you

yeah it's that song from deadmau5 

anyways, it's true and idk why, but it's one of the truests things i have felt in a while.

So we are moving together, and it was not a soft moment, it was a deliberated, investigated, though and talked a lot decision.

so most of my life, choices have been mostly about survival, working fixing broken things and fixing them with tape? yeah because i like the challenge sure, but also because it was my job.

moving to santiago almost 15 years ago to make my life alone? yes, it was me just jumping into nothing, i had amost no cash, just someone that was like "sure we can share my apartment for a while" and it was kinda shit, survival, i sometimes had no money for food, barely had for rent
i was picking any job i could
i learned how to program
i learned backends and frontends and shit, logistics, software, idk, nice skillset for the moment, but was surival

my ex moved with me, i wanted that, like sure let's live together why not, but also, survival, it was cheaper that way

he didn't found the perfect job he wanted, he didn't want to just get any odd job, we went into debt for survival too

and it was several years that way, we supported each other sure, we were kids too, not really understanding what was going on in life, we just made it thru and it was fine

but now, im 35, almost 36, i got a good job, then another one, because i got used to survive so when i had any chance to do things, i did, trainings, certifications, and that gave me edge

got better jobs, then landed at my current one, SaaS, working at the thing i always hated, but finally it was not survival, it was just working, sure, ai  and whatever, boring technologies everywhere, who cares, work, now giving me leisure time and money

then i met my current bf, instagram, chats, things, an ipod, a pay machine, a bus travel, the keys, the kiss, the broken scary firsts “I love yous” that came out of nowhere, and then he flipped everything around because he was different from me, from everything i represented and everything i had made before

and it worked, because i didn't change for him, we adapted, we understood, we realized that while we were from different universes, we weren't that different in the end

then months and months of undestanding this, of painful moments, of the most joyful moments in life

there i was, in a festival, looking at his fursuit eyes thru my own, crying in sync, this song playing on the background and i was like, I don’t even know if we cried for the same thing tbh, but I don’t think it matters, we were alone in the sea of people there for a second.

yeah, here it is

yeah, this is it

that day i fell again in love, sure that what was happening was happening, was real, was the moment, and the future.

and fast forward, now, today, 9 days to move to the beautiful new place we found, outside the city that saw me and made me what i am in part.

their family got it, they knew probably deep down, and even with what happened with his dad health(that now btw he made it out good from the operation), we are moving.

the car is ready, the old stuff im keeping? in boxes

the tears are still in my eyes

now from, undestanding that there is science in my love for him because yeah, ask him how much we analysed every single angle, every single problem, situation, we made a thesis, we accidentally made it science, investigation, we analysed each other

are you sure? we can go back, i can ask for the deposit back

we can stay here in santiago

we can not move right now

but yeah

it's probably meant to be, and you know, maybe it's not, maybe we fail, maybe it hurts, but with all the work, with all the heart there is to it

i don't think that will happen

because everything i do i do it for you, and everything i do i do it for me